This post is courtesy of guest blogger: Karen Southall Watts. Years ago, I taught interview workshops in Canada. One of the strategies I recommended was “tame the volcano.” In this exercise I told job seekers to have a pre-interview conversation with a trusted friend where they vented all their emotions about the job search. These conversations allowed people to work through their sentiments about job search frustrations, so these feelings didn’t explode during the interview.
These volcano venting conversations are the time to voice:
- Someone should hire me because I NEED a job
- This isn’t my dream job, but I have to pay rent with MONEY
- If I don’t find something soon, I’m going to SCREAM
The emotional strain of the job search has not gone away. If anything, new complexities in the job search process have made succumbing to your feelings as you look for work even more likely.
I opened one of my recent job seeker workshops, here in North Carolina, with the statistic, “Over 40% of surveyed employers admit to posting ghost jobs.” As I walked participants through the definition of ghost jobs (posted positions that employers have no intention of filling), and explored the backstory of false job ads, I could feel the anger in the room swelling. The job search can be long, hard, and frustrating, and that’s under normal circumstances. Add an element of dishonesty and disrespect toward job seekers, and that emotional volcano becomes supercharged.
Today job seekers are facing a tide of maddening technology, a flood of newly laid off government workers swelling the ranks of the unemployed, and waves of economic chaos. It’s not unusual to see posts on LinkedIn directing you to someone’s GoFundMe page as they plead for help paying their mortgage or medical bills, having burned through all of their savings in a months-long job search. It’s understandable that unemployed, or painfully underemployed, workers are angry, scared, frustrated and tired.
However, just because it’s understandable, you might even say justified, job seekers cannot allow these burning emotions to explode all over their communications. If you’re looking for work, you need to protect yourself with careful job search practices.
Read job ads carefully and watch out for red flags. Before you take the time to apply for a position, you need to make sure it’s a real job and one you’re likely to want. Watch out for nonsense descriptions, obvious typos, or weird posting and closing dates, as these can signal you’re dealing with a ghost job. If you’re neurodivergent or highly sensitive, look for clues in the ad that the job environment might not work for you. For example, vague job duties or frequent references to the company culture can indicate an environment that will be too unstructured or focused on socialization for workers who need clarity and control in their surroundings. Once you apply, you’ll need to practice patience as you wait for the next step in the process. If you decide to call or email to check the status of your application, keep impatience and frustration out of your voice and words. Taking these steps can keep you from having a meltdown before the process even gets started.
Do your second search for red flags during the interview. Does the hiring manager know what they want? Is the pay rate commensurate with the work? Is the workplace loud, smelly, or horribly lit? Don’t allow desperation to push you into accepting a position in a workplace or with a work team that you can tell during the interview is going to make you miserable. Ask probing questions, but resist the urge to point out the flaws you find during an interview. The emotional key here is to exercise restraint. Having one of those volcano venting conversations first can really help in this phase.
Difficulties in the job search can cause us to gloss over logistics, so make sure overwhelm doesn’t make you careless. There are a lot of details attached to every job, and sadly the feeling of being swamped by the job search process can cause us to overlook them. Are there hidden costs to saying yes to this job? Think about the commute, whether or not you need a new wardrobe, or if you are going to need new/different childcare arrangements. Will the work hours interfere with the functioning of your household? The key here is to slow down, and use your best decision-making skills. A burning desire to just find “any job” and have the search over and done with cannot be allowed to push your best judgements aside.
Boost your networking skills. We all know that networking can lead to job and business opportunities that will never be posted online. We all know the best time to network is before you desperately need a job. And many of us know that networking doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Yet, all of this knowledge doesn’t make the task any easier when we’re feeling discouraged and defeated. If you’ve had a particularly tough job search, you might need to freshen up your professional conversation skills for networking events or coffee meetings.
Do say: I’m really eager to do more work in the field of (blank) and I’ve also considered expanding into the area of (blank).
Don’t say: I’ve got to find something—anything—I’m too desperate to be picky.
Do say: Who else do you think I should talk to about this? Can you introduce us?
Don’t say: I heard your brother’s firm is hiring. Can you get him to hire me?
Feeling angry, sad, overwhelmed, or desperate can really derail your job search if you’re not careful. These strong emotions can pop up in professional conversations and cloud your normal decision-making process. It’s important to find healthy ways to deal with your feelings, so you can present the best version of yourself to hiring managers. Here are some ways to start:
Talk to a career coach—this is a good step if you want to walk through tricky interview questions or get help clarifying your career goals and how to “sell yourself” in an interview.
Talk to a close friend—start here if you need some time and space to vent all your negative feelings about how “unfair” the job market, job search process, and the world all feel today.
Talk to a professional—if sadness, overwhelm, and frustration about your job search are interfering with your ability to do everyday tasks, it might be time to get additional help. In the U.S. you can go to https://mentalhealthhotline.org/ or call 866-903-3787
The truth is that the corporate world equates professionalism with the ability to wrangle your own feelings. Employers want workers who can handle the job and handle any stress that might come along with it. Being aware of your emotional state and being willing to seek out and use strategies to manage your feelings can keep you from ruining your job search and can help you stay happier and healthier at the same time.
Bio: Karen Southall Watts does training and coaching in the Workforce Development department of Alamance Community College. Karen walks job seekers through the job search process, encourages skill building and self-care, and supports clients through each step. She also consults with the Alamance County Small Business Center focusing on helping entrepreneurs with time management and productivity.
