You may have heard the saying “Energy flows where your attention goes.” When I’m not paying attention, I default to mindlessly scrolling Facebook for an embarrassing amount of time. Maybe you numb out on Netflix.
Intention stems from attention. To be empowered means we’re taking control of our lives through intentional living.
In addition to distractions like Facebook, Netflix, et al., we can also get lost in caring for others, often at the expense of our well-being.
In this post, I share the five key areas where I suggest we focus in order to pursue more empowered lives. I wrote this to help myself, too. We teach what we’re learning.
Get Clear, Set Goals
The universe and our networks respond to clarity.
If we don’t understand our objectives, nobody can help get us there. That includes our spiritual guides: angels, deceased ancestors, G-d, the general energy of the universe, and/or any combination thereof. Basically, whomever and/or whatever we believe guides us from beyond.
From losing weight or getting a new job to writing a book or any other pursuit, being very clear about a goal is required for progress to occur. When we can articulate the plans around our intended achievements, and then ask for help from our network and set energetic intentions, amazing universal alignments begin. The “You’ll never believe who just called me” kinds of things.
Want a new job? Throwing spaghetti at the wall won’t work. We have to be clear so our networks can help. Likewise, saying “I want a more fulfilled life” but not articulating what that means won’t yield results.
These are the questions I’ve asked myself to crystalize my goals. Note: The answers to many of these questions can’t be forced and may not come for days, months, even years, but asking the questions will start to bring forth answers. My answers – to these questions and others – usually arrive during yoga or when I’m on a long walk in nature, but perhaps you like to journal.
- What is the talk your soul wants to give? In other words, what’s your TED Talk? This is a biggie, but it gets to the root of why we’re here.
- What will feel like success in your life when you retire? How are the choices you’re making now going to leave you feeling at the end of your career?
- What is a satisfactory exchange of work for profit? Is your salary a good trade for your time?
- How are you bettering society? This may have nothing to do with your job. Consider your hobbies, where you volunteer, and how you spend your free time. For many of us, our work isn’t where we find soul fulfillment.
Trust Your Intuition
We come equipped with two sets of knowing. One is intuition. The other I call monkey mind.
Intuition is that nervous feeling in situations with massive red flags. Monkey mind is the feeling that overrides intuition and tells us that we’re overreacting.
Years ago, I attended a police training that taught me about the danger of ignoring my intuition. Many individuals who succumb to violence, he said, sense danger but ignore the sensation. In the talk, the detective referenced a book called “The Gift of Fear.” He explained how we’re the only mammals who ignore our intuition.
But intuition doesn’t only apply to life-or-death situations. I use it to decide which friends to invite to what concerts. I lean on it daily to lead me on the path toward fulfillment. I also use it to decline invitations that don’t feel right, such as saying no to a proposed business lunch.
I’ve been seeing a massage therapist who specializes in a particular form of body work. During my last visit, when I asked the practitioner when my next session should be, he asked me when I thought it should be. I immediately replied “Ten days,” and he said, “That’s the correct answer.” The right answer doesn’t exist, he said. It’s simply a matter of what’s right for me, mentioning that most people saw him weekly or every other week. But I knew immediately that one week would be too soon but two would be too long.
One tool I use for intuition is The Sway Test. Close your eyes and say the word no and then the word yes. Does your body pull you one way or another? If this works for you, try it with a question. “Should I attend that event tomorrow night?” Did you sway toward “No”? Did you feel a sense of relief? Did you sway toward “Yes”? Did that make you feel anxious? Whichever answer brings relief is the correct answer. Go with the answer that makes your body relax.
It’s human nature to want other people to provide validation, and even to want them to be in control. To believe that we know the answers, as silly as it seems, can be terrifying. But deep down, we know what’s best for us.
Be Assertive and Clear
Much of my coaching focuses on guiding people to be assertive and clear in their communication. When we couch our language with uncertainty and use words that minimize our impact, we inadvertently ask others to grant us permission to utilize our own power. To be empowered is to have the confidence to speak our truth, not with malice to cause harm but in tactful ways to be heard.
- Be mindful of the careless use of words such as “just” or overusing apology language such as the word “sorry.” These crutch words defuse our power.
- Don’t wish for different outcomes, request that they be so.
- Speak your truth. Ask for what you need. Have the courage to hear the word “No.”
Set Healthy Boundaries
There will always be people we could be helping. There will also always be people who will take and take all the energy we’re willing to give. Understanding which responsibilities are ours to take on versus which unhealthy scenarios fuel our sense of being the hero is critical when setting healthy boundaries. If we burn out by spreading ourselves too thin, we’re no help to anyone, including ourselves. Look at your responsibilities and ask:
- Did I decide to help or was I asked?
- Is the other party capable of handling their stuff? Have I decided that they’re not and barged in?
- Am I the only person who can help?
- Is there any piece of what I’m doing that could be done by someone else?
- What would I be doing with my time if I weren’t helping?
Prioritize Self-care
If you’re like me, creative ideas don’t arrive when we’re working on spreadsheets at our desks. The idea for this post came to me on a late-afternoon walk through the woods near my home. The idea for my latest book, “The Greyzone: Insights on Leading Your Career with Intention,” came to me during a yoga class.
Prioritizing self-care allows our souls to convey what parts of our lives need attention. Creativity emerges when we prioritize paying attention to ourselves. We need clear thinking to make rational, smart decisions. If you find yourself in a nonharmonious state, find ways to bring yourself back into equilibrium. Here are some tools that help me:
- Take a walk. Listen to the birds. Listen to the wind, not a podcast, music or audiobook.
- Use a meditation app for short meditations during your day. Some meditations can be as quick as three minutes.
- Play frequency-based music to reset your nervous system. Sometimes I pull up an anxiety-relief frequency sequence on Spotify to run in the background while I walk, work, or clean the house.
- Slow down. Have you tried box breathing? Breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four.
Mastering empowered living is about being mindful of our lives in the moment. From the words we choose to how we use our energy and with whom, the multitude of small decisions we make lead us on the path toward fulfillment. Empowered living means showing up the way we want to, unapologetically yet not in ways that harm others. What steps can you take towards living a more empowered life?
